Letters: 'A mother's journey'

sacbee.com - The online division of The Sacramento Bee

This story is taken from A mother's journey at sacbee.com.

Published 12:01 am PDT Friday, July 21, 2006

Editor's note: The four-part series "A Mother's Journey" triggered intense response from readers: people who were moved, inspired and angered. Close to 400 e-mails, Web posts and phone calls came to The Bee about stories and photographs chronicling a West Sacramento mother's stuggle to juggle doctor appointments, pay bills and keep her family together as her 11-year-old son died of cancer.

To read the series by Cynthia Hubert and see a gallery of photographs by Renée C. Byer, go to: www.sacbee.com/projects

Brieanna's dad shares his experience

"A Mother's Journey" was heart-wrenching and, at times, difficult to read, but it gave readers a glimpse into the life of a family who struggled with the harsh realities of cancer. As I read the numerous comments from others who posted their opinions ranging anywhere from being supportive to nonsupportive, almost bridging on cruelty, I decided that I needed to make a comment. As the father of Brieanna French-Gates, the following are my experiences and thoughts during the course of this tragedy:

I have known Cyndie and her family since Derek was about 3 years old. Although we are no longer together, our relationship still exists because we had a daughter together. I have seen Derek grow from a small boy to her "little man," and as I followed the story, I couldn't help but think about how difficult it was for Cyndie to deal with Derek's illness.

There were many times, in the beginning and scattered throughout, that she leaned on me. I was sincerely heartbroken when I learned of Derek's illness and even more heartbroken when I realized that my family and I had to prepare ourselves to go on this journey with Brieanna. It was never easy for any of us, including my wife and our children.

Our families were all affected by the journey, and we were always there, through the sadness, tears and pain. My wife and I spent countless hours comforting Brieanna, and I kept asking myself, how do you get a 6-year-old to understand death? How do you look into the eyes of someone so innocent, loving and kind and expose her to the harsh realities of cancer … of death?

Readers can talk all they want about issues they don't really know everything about and make judgments; however, to those out there asking where the fathers are, well, I am right here and always have been. Matter of fact, in clarifying an error in these articles, I actually have been the primary parent of Brieanna since 2003 for totally unrelated circumstances. Cyndie and I have been fortunate enough to put aside our own issues and try to work together to determine what has always been in the best interest of our daughter.

-- Mark Gates and family
Orangevale

'A great deal of fortitude'

I personally know the family and can attest to the fine job Cyndie has done raising her children as a single mom, giving them all the love and attention they need, as they are all well-mannered, good kids. Her ability to do this and still have a life is testimony to her strong character.

The multiple issues that confronted Cyndie and Derek, including family and financial, were monumental, and life was day to day if not hour to hour. Cyndie showed a great deal of fortitude in giving her son whatever she could to provide him comfort.

Derek showed tremendous courage in his fight and endured pain and suffering that most of us cannot fathom. Unfortunately, Derek lost his fight with this terrible disease.

This journal account should be available in every pediatric cancer center, as it will undoubtedly help thousands and thousands of families and be of interest to millions.

-- Stephen L. Mandaro, MD
Fair Oaks

'The bravest of children'

I am so sad, yet so appreciative of what I have. Life is short and anything can happen. Thanks for the beautiful story about the bravest of children and a wonderful, devoted mother. I wish Cyndie and her family the best that life can offer from here on out.

-- Nora Fuhrman
Sacramento

'Too much attention to appearance'

Your story regarding Derek's illness has certainly touched all of our lives, but I felt you lost focus and directed way too much attention to Cyndie's appearance.

Some of your comments that I felt were in very poor taste were: "size 4," "platinum hair," "tight jeans," "du jour manicure," "French pedicure," "just turned 40," "still turning heads," "flirts with passing strangers at UCD Medical Center," "handsome doctors in laboratory coats." I could go on and on. I discussed this article with other friends and family, and they had the same reaction.

I hope you consider this constructive criticism because I felt this story regarding Derek's serious illness could have been told without all of those unnecessary comments regarding his mother.

-- Liz Dahl
Sacramento

'You portrayed Derek as you saw him'

As I sit here with tears streaming down my face, I admit I am the eternal optimist; I had to turn to Page A16 today before I realized that Derek had died. Being a cancer survivor myself, I was looking forward to the twist in the story when the blood transplant had worked and Derek was on his way to health. How unfair to have to suffer so long!

Sometimes we read stories in the media about kids who are stoic and understanding in their cancer journey, and as such teach their families how to cope with death. Derek was different in this way, and I was glad you portrayed Derek as you saw him. I experienced an intense anger when I got cancer, and truly accepting one's own death is a huge leap to take. I found your story authentic in this aspect.

Cyndie is an outgoing, strong character. You rarely showed her in weakness without her picking herself right back up again. I would guess some readers might feel judgmental toward her, but I did not. My own experiences in life as a mom and with illness made my heart go out to her.

-- Susan Lugo
Davis

'I am very proud of Cyndie'

"A Mother's Journey" really touched my heart and soul. It is the best story I have ever read, and my heart goes out to Cyndie and her family. Every morning, I would get up in anticipation of what the next part of the story would bring.

My heart just broke on Day 4 when Derek passed away. I am a working mother with four teenagers -- three boys and a girl. I went home and kissed and hugged and held my babies that evening, and I never wanted to let them go.

I feel that we live in a country where death is not talked about. Ten years ago, I had a really tough year as my husband's mom and dad passed away; then my only parent, my dad, passed away right after them. We had three deaths in one year and I, too, held my father as he passed away.

I am very proud of Cyndie, and I want to applaud her, the writer and the photographer for capturing this story so well and bringing it to the front page. I am glad that Cyndie has four other children. What gave me strength to carry on during my grief was looking into my children's eyes. I just knew that I had to make it for them.

-- Sandra Lessard
Rocklin

'The strongest woman I know'

I am overwhelmed by sadness for Cyndie. I used to work on K Street and would often stop in at her salon. Her son Derek would be in there sometimes, and I had the privilege of meeting him on several occasions. At first, I didn't know he was sick. But after a few months, and his hair was falling out and he was noticeably thinner, it was obvious that something was wrong.

As I think back on those days, I am astounded at how upbeat Cyndie was. I know she must have been slowly dying inside, consumed by fear for her son's life. She was so strong, even cheerful, for him. It amazes me to this day. She is so kind and the strongest woman I know.

-- Patti Kelly
Rancho Cordova

'Wonderful woman and family'

I was deeply touched by your story on Derek, and the strength and love of his mother Cyndie and her family and friends. For Cyndie to allow The Bee and every one of its readers to be a part of this part of Derek's life has got to be the most unselfish thing I think anyone could ever do.

To see your child go through what Derek went through was only a part of it. Cancer and any illness like this affects so much more than the person going through it. The fact that Cyndie was able to allow us to see the pain and stress it caused her family, as well as the deep, deep love they feel for him and each other, is truly inspiring.

I hope to hear more about Derek's Wish in upcoming articles. The Susan G. Komen Foundation started somewhere. I know Derek's Wish already has its beginning in this wonderful woman and family.

-- Kerry Hoyle
Pollock Pines

'Your Derek is now perfectly whole'

I just had to comment on "A Mother's Journey." This is my first letter of this kind I have ever written. What an outstanding commitment for you women (photographer Renée Byer and reporter Cynthia Hubert) to follow Cyndie French and her son Derek for an entire year -- living their terrible pain -- to bring us to awareness of things we just don't think through.

Please tell Cyndie she got her heartbreaking story across to this person, and I thank her for opening up to us all. Thank you, dear Cyndie, and indeed your Derek is now perfectly whole.

-- Patricia Mullins
Pine Grove

'Cyndie is an amazing woman'

Thank you so much, Cynthia Hubert, Renée Byer and all others involved in this tragic story of Derek. The information must have been overwhelming in its content, as well as emotionally extraordinary, and I cannot imagine how they were able to put it all together so very well.

Cyndie is an amazing woman. The story brought me to tears and I just hope the family can come together, stay together, and the years can be meaningful for them.

-- Pat Myers
Grass Valley

'Thank you so much, Cyndie'

We so seldom have the opportunity to really know what goes on in a person's life when tragedy strikes, unless they are close friends or family. Thank you so much, Cyndie, for allowing your story to be told.

-- Carol Tredo-Yolton
Eureka

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